My Personal Story
Before you begin reading my personal story, you should know, that I don’t regret or hold any pain or blame of myself or others for my past. In fact, I sincerely and lovingly thank them. We all do things based on what we’ve experienced and we are all each on a path of our own. I do not feel I am a victim, not any longer anyway. I am grateful for it all and I am open to sharing. I didn’t used to feel that way and it took years and a ton of healing to be able to say it, but it’s true. It has brought me to this place, to have this passion to help truly heal other women and that is huge!!!
I love myself and others deeply and I know that all of me is sacred and significant to this world. It’s a beautiful place to be. I’m a fun, goofy, swearing, loving, giving, passionate person who sees the magic in every moment and I’ll never trade that in again, not for anything or anyone.
So here’s a bit of my story…
I spent many years working to establish my career in the beauty industry, working hard to achieve the next goal of what is defined as success in the modern world we live in today. Working to impress the right people for the right opportunity that may come in the future. Doing what I should do and what I was supposed to do, and following the rules. It appeared from the outside that I had an amazingly wonderful life, a high income, a beautiful home, a beautiful luxury car, a wonderful husband, what more could a girl want, right?
Well, let’s take a look at the inside of my life at that time. I was working 80 hours a week and my marriage was abusive, my ex-husband is an addict and I became the independent co-dependent. My food choices were causing health issues. I suffered from severe panic disorder and was in a constant state of panic, stress and worry. I was miserable, felt and believed I was ugly, and would force myself up and into life daily.
This, of course, was just the advanced place of the past that haunted me. The past of growing up in an environment with addiction and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a period of homelessness, mental, emotional and physical abuse. Then as a teen in an attempt to escape my reality, the use of drugs and alcohol that eventually got me kicked out and and on my own. The rapes and the choice of of being sold or my life. But I escaped it and made something of myself. What I’ve learned is, you can’t simply escape it, you have to face it and heal it, or another form of the same patterns and experiences will reoccur repeatedly until you face it, heal it and love it for what it taught you.
In an attempt to make a change in my failing health, feeling tired and run down all the time, full of anxiety, unable to sleep, feeling extremely weak, loosing my outer beauty and feeling depressed, I went to doctors who had no answer for me but pills, but I took them because I was desperate. The medications didn’t work and I became increasingly worse until one day after not sleeping for 6 weeks, I lost feeling in many parts of the right side of my body including my face and fingers. I sought out an alternative medicine practitioner, and within 2 weeks my physical health returned to better than normal, with relief of all my chronic respiratory allergies. This sent me on a quest for more knowledge into the holistic approach to healing, discovering that my body had the ability to heal itself!
A year after I healed my body, I had to heal my mind, my heart, my emotions and my spirit. I walked away from everything in my life at that time, everything I had worked for. I closed my business, left my abusive sociopathic husband, who suffered from addiction, my car and my home and mostly everything in my home. It was one of the scariest times in my life and I had to leap away from the fear, because it was gripping me so tight that I was dying inside. You know what? That leap of courage was the best choice I ever made.
What I realized was, that if you do what your authentic self is telling you to do, then you will get what you need to accomplish what’s next in your life.This realization took along time to believe, because I had to learn to trust myself and believe in myself and my life. Today I am successfully my authentic accurate and true free self! I’m happy, at ease, centered and full of life! I’m successful in ways I didn’t think counted as success and I wouldn’t have thought possible in the past! This doesn’t mean the old story doesn’t creep in once in a while because it does, and it them becomes another layer I need to shed and heal. With each layer I learn more, I become more aware of why and those become tools for the next time I see something showing up. The thing is, now I’m aware and I simply give it a kiss goodbye with love and ask it to go along its merry way sometimes with more ease than others. The more I do the more I trust my intuition or my gut.
We as women need to learn to listen to what our bodies, minds, our hearts, souls and our spirits are telling us. They work together as one. We are not who we are without any one of those parts missing or unhealthy.
The rather ironic yet not so ironic thing is, as I look back at everything, I have less “stuff” in my life than I ever had and I am much more at peace, happy, free to be me. I still am and I’m free to be me, my true authentic me! I felt my inner light come back on and it has stayed on. It continues to get brighter and brighter every day. If it state to dim, I immediately look at what is shown cup in my life that needs to be shifted or released. Happiness is never about what’s outside of us. It is always about what’s inside of us.
I remember walking my dogs one morning about three months after I walked away. I saw this beautiful boldly colored tree, it was literally glowing on that rainy fall morning and I thought to myself; “Oh my God, so many years I’ve allowed life and other people and experiences to live me. I haven’t even noticed the beautiful fall foliage in years’ and never again will I allow life, others or unhealthy experiences to live me. From now on I live life to its fullest and from now on I’m grateful for everything in life,” and I never ever apologize for who I am or what is important to me!
The best thing I ever did was to walk away from my life. It was a life full of apology for myself. I have not even one regret. It brought me to a place that forced me to heal myself. I am forever thankful and grateful for that. It led me to study and get curious about everything and anything on a true healthy, happy holistic approach to life from the inside out. It brought me to embrace the Healer and Teacher of the way of awakening into who you are that was always there, that I simply hadn’t seen! My purpose is to empower and guide each who comes across my path to be their happiest, healthiest most beautiful versions of themselves inside and out. To be your authentic self that you were born to be. To embrace and fully unleash that Fearless Goddess within you!
Have a happy, shiny, soul singing, spirit dancing, heart glowing and everything beautiful always, forever and a day life! I look forward to hearing from you!